Love, Sex and Islam

Sex in the Hereafter


It was narrated from Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Al-Sham (Greater Syria, including Palestine, i.e., the Levant) is the land of the gathering and the resurrection.”

On Judgement Day, while you’re standing there on a plain somewhere in the Middle East waiting with perhaps a trillion people or more to be judged, look around you. If your final destination is Paradise and you’re not easily distracted, these are the last people you will ever see naked, except for your houris or the wives who were grateful for your munificence.

Narrated Aisha:

Allah's Apostle said, "The people will be gathered barefooted, naked, and uncircumcised."

I said, "O Allah's Apostle! Will the men and the women look at each other?"

He said, "The situation will be too hard for them to pay attention to that."

Bukhari 76.534

 You may all have the same body type, be the same age and all copulating like crazy, but you must still avoid showing too much skin if out in the open—for example, having sex with a houris on one of Allah’s “ranged couches”—out of respect for Allah’s abhorrence of public nudity.

52:20 Reclining on ranged couches, and We shall wed them to wide-eyed houris.

20:118 “You will certainly not be hungry therein, nor be naked.”

Even in Hell, you shall not be naked. On Judgement Day, groups of people deemed unworthy of Paradise will be clothed in garments made of pitch, a form of tar, which will feed the fire burning their faces. They will be chained to other individuals undeserving of Allah’s compassion or mercy and marched into His Hell.

14:49 And you will see the wicked sinners on that Day bound together in chains.

14:50 Their garments made of pitch, and their faces covered with fire.

Once safely inside the belly of the beast, their pitch gowns will be replaced by custom cut garments of flame that will leave their heads exposed, onto which hot water will be poured, followed by a beating with an iron rod.

22:19 … To the unbelievers, garments of fire shall be cut up and over their heads boiling water shall be poured;

22:20 Whereby whatever is in their bellies and in their skin shall be melted.

22:21 And for them are iron rods (to beat their heads with).

Feel a god’s pervasive and inevitably contagious sadism!

22:22 Every time they want, in their gloom, to get out of it (the Fire), they are brought back into it. [And it is said to them]: “Taste the agony of burning.”

Of course, the stones, which along with people feed Allah’s Fire, will not require any coverings.

2:23 If you are in doubt as to what We have revealed to Our Servant (the Prophet Muhammad), then produce a surah similar to it and call upon your witnesses other than Allah (that is, the gods you associate with Allah), if you are truthful.

2:24 If you do not do that, and surely you will not, then guard yourself against the Fire whose fuel is men and stones, prepared for the unbelievers.

Sex is the carrot, Hell is the stick, and quite the stick it is. The previous revelations are just a sample of the horrific things God will do to the unbelievers once He gets His hands on them (see "The Islamic Hereafter" - Judgement Day and "The Islamic Hereafter" - Hell), which children are expected to have committed to memory by the age of seven as part of their indoctrination into Islam.

There is a very common ceremony practiced throughout the Muslim world called Khatmi-Qur’an. It is meant to recognize and celebrate a child’s first full reading of the Koranic text in Arabic. Most children complete the first full reading of the Qur’an between the ages of four and seven.

It is the mother's responsibility to get her children to the Khatmi-Qur’an. Mosques around the world have the equivalent of Sunday school classes to assist in getting children "to master the proper pronunciation and to read the text clearly from the first verse to the last."

What will it be: a green silk gown and an eternity fornicating your brains out, or a garment of flames and being spit-roasted for the same length of time like the hapless Abu Lahab?

111:1 Perish the hands of Abu Lahab, and may he perish too;

111:2 Neither his wealth nor what he has earned will avail him anything.

111:3 He will roast in a flaming fire,

111:4 And his wife will be a carrier of fire-wood,

111:5 She shall have a rope of fibre around her neck.

 Allah has made the choice obvious, even for children.

44:51 However, the God-fearing are in a secure place;

44:52 In gardens and well-springs.

44:53 They wear silk and brocade facing each other.

Everyone will be personally dressed by Allah, though you may have to wait awhile; the first He will dress is Abraham.

Narrated Ibn Abbas:

The Prophet said, "You will be gathered (on the Day of Judgment), bare-footed, naked and not circumcised."

He then recited: 'As We began the first creation, We shall repeat it: A Promise We have undertaken: Truly we shall do it.' (21:104)

He added, "The first to be dressed on the Day of Resurrection, will be Abraham.”

Bukhari 55.568

Don’t worry. There is little chance of Allah running out of gowns before it’s time for Him to cover your nakedness. It would be difficult for gods acting in concert to look after the welfare of those in Paradise while attending to the roasting of the unbelievers in Hell, let alone a god on his own. A similar situation was faced by God’s spokesman when confronted with an equally daunting but human-scale problem: getting hordes of believers to behave as Allah intended in the here-and–now until God took over in the Hereafter. With a little help from Allah, the problem was made manageable by taking away the believers’ free will.

33:36 It is not up to any believer, man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger have passed a judgement, to have any choice in their affairs. Whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger have gone astray in a manifest manner.

Allah will do the same in Paradise. Like His spokesman, He, too, but even more so, will severely limit the choices available to those invited into His home in the sky, thereby making the whole Hereafter much more manageable for one god.


In simplifying things for Himself, God greatly diminished the sexual experience. For all intents and purposes, He completely eliminated the excitement of the precursors to the main event. The actual sex, as you will also discover, is greatly diminished in intensity and the gratifying post-coitus visuals severely downgraded, especially for men, because Allah, did what only a god can do, and that is tinker big time with what takes place during and after an orgasm in women and a climax in men.


The most limiting of choices has to be in clothing. A silk gown and brocade is fine for lounging—if that is all you will doing for an eternity, then maybe you won’t need a pair of jeans or any other type of garment for that matter—but did Allah have to make them all green to match His green carpets, rugs and cushions?

18:30 As for those who believe and do the good deeds, surely, We will not waste the reward of him who does the good work.

18:31 Those shall have Gardens of Eden, beneath which rivers flow, bejeweled therein with bracelets of gold, and wearing green clothes of silk and brocade, reclining therein on couches. Blessed is their reward and fair is the resting place!

God, in promoting His green silk and brocade gowns as the definitive fashion statement, reminds me of the times I accompanied my wife to buy a fancy dress or business attire. It was never just about the fabric or the colour, but how you would accessorize it, and the same goes for Allah.

76:20 If you look there, you will see bliss and a vast kingdom.

76:21 Upon them are green silk garments and brocade; and they have been adorned with silver bracelets, and their Lord has given them a pure potion (wine).

76:22 “This indeed has been your reward, and your endeavour has been appreciated.”

What about matching gold bracelets? Don’t forget the pearls.

35:33 Into Gardens of Eden they enter, wherein they are adorned with gold bracelets and pearls and their clothing therein will be silk.

This type of marketing pitch should not come as a surprise when you consider God’s choice of a merchant as His last and greatest spokesman, the one who would correct what other prophets miscommunicated, such as Jesus when he preached that we should all unconditionally love and forgive.

All the silk and bling could not make up for the thrill of watching Joyce first pull down her jeans, then pull them back up after we had had sex. A full-length silk gown and jewelry could not make up for the sight of Anne—in a sexy number that could have been from Victoria’s Secret, a company that achieved fame and fortune by designing clothing to excite—inviting me to follow her bouncing, bare buttocks up the stairs to her bedroom.

If only God, in choosing an oasis on the Arabian Peninsula as His template for Paradise, had kept some of the traditions of the pre-Islamic Arabs, which included running around the Ka’ba naked during the Hajj to the obvious enjoyment of those around them.

Narrated Abu Huraira:

In the year prior to the last Hajj of the Prophet when Allah’s Apostle made Abu Bakr the leader of the pilgrims, the latter (Abu Bakr) sent me in the company of a group of people to make a public announcement: 'No pagan is allowed to perform Hajj after this year, and no naked person is allowed to perform Tawaf (circumambulation) of the Kaba.'

Bukhari 26.689

8:35 Their prayer at the House (the Ka’ba) is nothing but whistling and clapping; so taste the punishment for your disbelief.

The people objected to Muhammad taking the fun out of the Hajj, saying that their fathers only did what God had commanded, an affirmation that Allah denied before telling His spokesman how to respond.

7:28 When they commit an indecency, they say: “We have found our fathers doing it, and Allah commanded us to do it.” Say (O Muhammad): “Allah does not command indecencies. Do you impute to Allah what you do not know?”

During the pre-Islamic Hajj, animals were released unharmed as part of the celebration. This did not sit well with God’s spokesman—nor, obviously, with God, who reserved one of his patented atrocious punishments for the first person to perform this public display of caring for animals destined for the dinner table.

Narrated Said bin Al-Musaiyab:

Al-Bahira was an animal whose milk was spared for the idols and other deities, and so nobody was allowed to milk it. As-Saiba was an animal which they (i.e. infidels) used to set free in the names of their gods so that it would not be used for carrying anything.

Abu Huraira said, "The Prophet said, 'I saw Amr bin Amir bin Luhai Al-Khuzai dragging his intestines in the (Hell) Fire, for he was the first man who started the custom of re-leasing animals (for the sake of false gods).'"

Bukhari 76.723

Muhammad could have insisted on the release of animals in the name of Allah instead of other gods, but rather preferred that they be brutally put to death in a celebration of Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice his son to the god for whom he claimed to speak.

During the one-day Festival of Sacrifice (Id-ul-Adha) that signals the end of the pilgrimage, animals are slaughtered with abandon, not only in Mecca but around the world, as Muhammad demonstrated. His method lives on in halal meat production to this day: the animal’s throat is slit while it is still standing, then is left to bleed to death.

Narrated Sahl bin Bakkar:

The narration of Anas abridged, saying, "The Prophet slaughtered seven budn (camels) while standing, with his own hands. On the day of 'Id-ul-Adha he slaughtered (sacrificed) two horned rams, black and white in color.

Bukhari 26.770

In modern abattoirs, the animal is stunned into unconsciousness before it is dispatched with a sharp instrument. In a study done for the French Department of Agriculture (Animal Protection in Slaughterhouses: The Question of Ritual Slaughter), a calf slaughtered the way Muhammad demonstrated will take as long as eleven agonizing minutes to die while it bleeds out, fully aware.

In Paradise, with food popping in and out of existence as required and Allah having rendered all animals species extinct, except perhaps for His beloved cattle, the gratuitous cruelty of ritual slaughter will not be an issue.