Boreal
Remembering Uzza
If Islam Was Explained to Me in a Pub
A War That Pays For Itself
Uzza:
After Badr, Muhammad not only felt his position secure enough to have his
critics killed but also to put his newfound prestige on the line by asking the
Jews to pay the equivalent of protection money in the form of a head tax, the
Jizya.
Bob: To protect them from whom?
Uzza: From him.
Archie: Am I missing something here? The Jews saved the Prophet because he preached what they believed, and for a while it seemed like they were getting along like a house on fire. And now, you're telling us that the man they saved wants them to pay protection money.
Uzza: Remember, God had told Muhammad that it was okay to kill unbelievers, even during the sacred months.
Gerry: But the Jews were not unbelievers. Muslims and Jews both believed in Allah, the one and only god.
Uzza: Yes, but the Jews did not believe in Muhammad. When that became evident to the man who claimed to be God’s last and greatest spokesperson, the romance was over.
Bob: But the Jews have prophets up the ying-yang. The Bible is full of them.
Uzza: Yes, but they are Jewish Prophets.
Gerry: Of course. God only talks to the Chosen People, the Jews, and Muhammad was an Arab.
Uzza: It was a heartfelt blow for Muhammad, who was a real fan of Moses. After Allah and Muhammad, it is Moses who is mentioned most often in the Koran.
Bob: Wouldn't that make Allah a fan of Moses?
Uzza: What do you mean?
Bob: If the Koran is the word of God and not something the guy who said he spoke for Him made up, then it is Allah who is a fan of Moses, not the other way around.
Uzza: [showing some frustration] They both liked him, okay.
Bob: Okay!
Uzza: You are smarter than you let on, my inscrutable friend.
Bob: Why would you think that?
Uzza: You know why! Anyway, Muhammad saw himself as the Arab Moses. God gave Moses the Ten Commandments[136], which Jesus, one of his lesser prophets, completely misunderstood, prompting Allah to send the Koran to Muhammad to reiterate some of the more salient point of the Torah, such as the aforementioned Talion Law which Allah elevated into a glorification of revenge. "In retaliation there is life for you"[137], Allah said. Proportional retaliation for a wrong done to you; disproportional retaliation for a wrong done to Him or His spokesman.
Archie: What do you consider disproportional retaliation?
Uzza: To be crucified on the trunk of a tree after having an arm and a leg lopped on opposite sides as Pharaoh repeatedly said he would do to his magicians who, after witnessing Moses' superior magic, became believers[138].
Bob: Ouch!
Uzza: There is the pain, but there is also the humiliation of hanging from a cross dangling by one arm and one leg.
Gerry: And who is deserving of such barbaric punishment?
Archie: To call it barbaric is an insult to barbarians everywhere.
Uzza: Heretics, or anyone, as was demonstrated by the Islamic State which crucified Christians in Raqqa on crosses but kept the Islamic touch of cutting a limb from opposite sides. But, it is mostly for those who have returned Allah's gift of belief that Islamic-style crucifixion is demanded.
Gerry: Why were Christians crucified, except perhaps to make fun of the crucifixion?
Uzza: Why make fun of something that never happened?
Gerry: What do you mean?
Uzza: In the Koran, the crucifixion is one big illusion[139] Allah created to confuse the Christians; but not before catering the Last Supper, which was not an illusion, and during which the apostles acknowledged, at Jesus’ insistence, that he was a simple messenger of Allah. When the crucifixion is supposed to have happened, Allah had already welcomed Jesus, body and soul, into His Paradise.
Archie: Back the Son of God up for a minute; are you saying that when Jesus invited the apostles for a last supper, there was no supper?
Uzza: The alleged Son of God. It is only after the apostles insist that it would be easier to believe what Jesus has asked them to believe if He could convince God to send down something to eat[140].
Archie: That’s crazy.
Uzza: Tell that to God, who told the disciples that if they disbelieved after what He had just done for them, He would punish them like no one had been punished before[141].
Gerry: Why did the Islamic State crucify Christians in a manner reserved for heretics?
Uzza: Allah leaves it to the believer in charge as to whether those who actively oppose Allah and His Messenger should suffer a similar fate. The crucified Christians of Raqqa may have refused to pay the Jizya, thereby opposing Islam by depriving it of funds to make war.
Gerry: That sounds to me like passive resistance. Uzza: Islamists are not into splitting hairs.
Bob: You mentioned the gift of belief. What is that?
Uzza: If you believe, it is because Allah allows you to believe. It is a gift from Him. For you to return this gift is the ultimate insult and deserving of the worst punishment.
Bob: Can a heretic say they were wrong and asked for Allah's gift back?
Uzza: Even if you could, summary execution makes it somewhat problematic.
Gerry: And Islamists consider you and people like you heretics.
Uzza: Yes.
Archie: I can see now why you are so upset that they were allowed in, no questions asked. All we have to do when the jihadists come calling is agree to become believers and keep on breathing; but you, and people like you, are in for a really hard time.
Uzza: Do not be so sure. Under Islamic law, a believer who kills an unbeliever is entitled to his property, which includes his wives and daughters. Even in Muhammad's time it was a problem stopping believers from killing wealthy unbelievers, or unbelievers with pretty wives and daughters who converted at the last minute.
Bob: Better convert now, Archie.
Archie: Got no money, can't get laid? Allah will provide, if you're man enough to kill for it. What a god!
Gerry: Isn't that what God tells the Jews in the Torah: if you want the Holy Land, you will have to kill for it?
Uzza: Yes, that wonderful invitation to genocide in Deuteronomy. The Arabs and Jews had so many reasons to get along, including this killing business to fulfill a promise made in a book by a god who cannot be bothered to do his own dirty work.
Archie: Watch it, Uzza, your heresy is showing.
Gerry: The scriptures that sanction killing to get what your god has promised you can be a tie that binds. That is, until you realize that the god in whom you both claim to believe expects you to kill each other in the pursuit of a promise He made.
Archie: Who says God does not have a sense of humor? A morbid one, I admit, but then again, isn't that what gods are all about? Remember all the shenanigans of the gods of the Greeks?
Uzza: They were a myth!
Archie: And Allah isn't? The Greeks put their gods on top of a mountain. The Koran places its mashed-up variation in an Earth-like Paradise just above the clouds between the Earth and the moon. A climb up Mount Olympus proved the Greek gods were a figment of someone’s imagination. Neil Armstrong's journey to the moon should have proven the same as far as the alleged author of the Koran and His home in the sky is concerned.
Gerry: Yes, why do Muslims still believe in the Koran's description of what is out there when we now know so much about what is actually out there?
Uzza: The leader of Boko Haram summarized it for all Islamists in an interview on the BBC when he said that space and all that we see there is another illusion created by Allah to test our faith.
Bob: And illusions seem to be something Allah is good at.
Archie: [throwing his hands up] You just can't win! Western civilization is about to be defeated by an army of morons.
Uzza: You underestimate the forces aligned against you. Your defeat was engineered by the greatest strategist and military mind of all times. He even left a blueprint which, in your arrogance, your Achilles heel, you could not be bothered to read.
Archie: Really. How hard could it be to get morons to kill for sex, money and fame?
Uzza: While the lure of the possessions of those you personally slaughtered or slaughtered as a group, their females in particular, was enough to seduce those who would be doing the killing in Allah's Cause, it was not enough to finance the military campaign of a religion on a total war footing until all unbelievers have been “subjugated or killed"[142]. That was the Jizya. It was another stroke of genius. The tax on the Christians and Jews under Muslim jurisdiction would finance the military expeditions to bring more Christians and Jews and their lands under Muslim jurisdiction.
Gerry: I must admit, Uzza, that was brilliant: a war against your enemy paid for by your enemy with the possessions of the murdered as payment and enticement for warriors and the Jizya to finance the rest. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant, if somewhat immoral.
Uzza: Islamists do not consider wars to extend Allah’s dominion as immoral; quite the opposite.
Gerry: All wars of aggression are immoral. Calling it a holy war does not make it less so.
Uzza: Except when it does.
Bob: One thing I don't get.
Archie: Only one thing?
Bob: Very funny. If Muhammad was pissed off at the Jews, why take it out on the Christians?
Uzza: Allah said to tax the People of the Book, the Bible, which meant the Jews and the Christians. The Byzantine Empire to the north and west was filled with taxable Christians. Allah may have anticipated that an invasion of those lands would inevitably follow the believers' victory over the pagan Arabs and that it would be an be expensive proposition.
Bob: Did the Christians of Medina object?
Uzza: There is evidence that Christians, before Islam, lived in peace with the Arabs of Mecca. In fact, it was a Christian cousin of Muhammad by the name of Waraqa who convinced him his dreams and visions were communications from Paradise[143].
Bob: He has to be the most influential Christian of all time.
Uzza: We do not know if there were any Christians in Medina when Allah imposed the tax, but the Jews, who were then still a force to be reckoned with, ridiculed what they believed was an attempt at extortion by Muhammad, saying that God could not be so poor as to need their money.
Bob: So how did Muhammad take it?
Archie: Bad, I'll bet. Remember the poets who made fun of him?
Uzza: Muhammad was a patient man; he bided his time. He also started receiving revelations which said, more or less, to Hell with the Jews, the most significant being a change of direction. Before the breakup, Muslims and Jews prostrated themselves in the direction of Jerusalem during prayers. After the breakup, the believers were instructed to prostate themselves in the direction of Mecca[144].
Gerry: "To Hell with the Jews!" Isn't that a bit harsh?
Uzza: No, not really. When you hear the Islamists repeating revelations that seem to tolerate Jews and Christians, Jews in particular, they are usually repeating truths that are no longer valid. They are telling lies which you readily believe because you do not know any better, and do not want to.
Archie: But I thought you said revealed truths were unchangeable?
Uzza: In the Koran, on at least four occasions, Allah reveals that it is a god's prerogative to change his mind[145].
Archie: So, a fact in the Koran is only a fact until Allah comes up with an alternate fact. Why does that remind me of Donald Trump?
Uzza: No, it is not like Trump. Allah simply comes up with a new fact, of which most scholars agree there are about 240[146], to replace an existing fact. That other fact no longer exists; it has been abrogated, nullified by a new fact.
Gerry: Sorry, Uzza, but that still does not make sense. In the real world, better information replaces old information. In the world of what you call immutable facts communicated to a mortal by a god who claims to be all-knowing and all-seeing, abrogation should not even be the exception; it defies logic. For a god who brags that not only does He know the future but He shapes it, to get it wrong so often, it boggles the mind.
Uzza: It does not trouble the minds of the Islamists and that is all that matters.
Archie: That is because they are out of their minds!
Gerry: Of all the incongruities that devotees of a religion steeped in incongruities must accept, the concept of abrogation, in a book the author claims is without any defects[147], has to be the most difficult.
Uzza: It would be, if it were not for Lawrence’s observation about people being comfortable with absurdities.
Gerry: If not taxes...
Footnotes
[136] The first mention of the Ten Commandments:
2:51 And [remember] how we promised Moses forty nights (at the end of which Moses received the scriptures); and you took the calf after him, thus becoming evildoers.
2:52 But We pardoned you after that, so that you might give thanks.
2:53 And when We gave Moses the Book (the Torah) and the Criterion ("Al-Furqan" which distinguishes right from wrong), so that you might be well guided.
Al-Furqan is also a reference to the Qur'an as the decisive factor between Good and Evil. Begs the question as to whether Moses was given all, or part of the Koran. Like in the Bible, Moses comes down the mountain only to find his people worshipping a golden calf. In the Bible the tribe of Levi, who did not worship the calf, is asked to make an example of the idol worshippers, killing three thousand of them. In the Koran, the killing comes in the form of an unusual request.
2:54 When Moses said to his people: “My people, you have wronged yourselves by taking the calf [as god]. Repent to your creator. Kill yourselves (let the innocent kill the evil-doers); that would be better for you in the sight of your Creator.” Then He forgave you. He is the All-Forgiving, the Merciful.
But there’s more…
2:55 And when you (Moses’ people) said: “O Moses, we will not believe in you until we see Allah with our own eyes”, whereupon you were struck by a thunderbolt while you looked on.
2:56 Then We raised you up after you had died, so that you might give thanks.
In another recollection it is clear that it is the people who are struck by the killer thunderbolt from heaven, not Moses.
4:153 The People of the Book ask you to bring down a book from heaven for them; indeed, they asked Moses for greater than that, saying: “Show us God face to face.” Thereupon the thunderbolt struck them for their wickedness. Then, they worshipped the calf, after they had received the clear proofs. Yet we pardoned all that and we gave Moses clear authority.
2:179 In retaliation there is life for you, O people of understanding, that you may be God-fearing.
7:103 Then after them, We sent Moses with Our Revelations to Pharaoh and his people, but they repudiated them. See then what was the fate of the mischief-makers.
7:104 Moses said: “O Pharaoh, I am a Messenger from the Lord of the Worlds.
7:105 “It is only proper that I should not say about Allah anything other than the truth. I have brought you a clear sign from your Lord; so send forth the Children of Israel with me.”
7:106 He said: “If you have brought a sign, produce it if you are really truthful.”
7:107 So he cast his staff and, behold, it was a manifest serpent.
7:108 And he drew his hand; and, behold, it appeared white to the onlookers.
7:109 The dignitaries among Pharaoh’s people said: “This, indeed, is a shrewd magician.
7:110 “He wishes to drive you out of your land; so what do you advise?”
7:111 They said: “Leave him and his brother for a while, and send forth summoners (sic) to the cities;
7:112 “To bring you every shrewd magician.”
7:113 The magicians then came to Pharaoh and said: “We shall surely have a reward, if we are the winners.”
7:114 He said: “Yes, and you will be, indeed, among those I favour.”
7:115 They said: “O Moses, either you cast or we will be the first to cast.”
7:116 He said: “You cast”; but when they cast, they put a spell upon the eyes of the people and frightened them, producing a mighty feat of magic.
7:117 We revealed to Moses: “Cast your staff”, and behold, it proceeded to devour what they faked.
7:118 So the truth was vindicated and what they were doing was nullified.
7:119 And they were vanquished there and then, and they turned away humiliated.
7:120 And the magicians fell down prostrate.
7:121 They said: “We believe now in the Lord of the Worlds;
7:122 “The Lord Of Moses and Aaron.”
7:123 Pharaoh then said: “Do you believe in Him before I give you leave? This is indeed a plot you contrived in the city, in order to drive its people out. Now you shall know.
7:124 “I will surely cut off your hands and your feet on opposite sides; then I will crucify you altogether.”
In the second iteration of the meeting between Moses and Pharaoh, Allah is more specific as to the type and condition of the trees to be used in the crucifixion of the magicians.
20:69 “Cast down what is in your right hand and it will swallow what they have faked. They have only faked the guile of a magician, and the magician will never prosper wherever he goes.”
20:70 Then the magicians fell down prostrate. They said: “We believe [now] in the Lord of Aaron and Moses.”
20:71 He (Pharaoh) said: “Do you believe in him before I give you leave? It must be your chief who has taught you magic. I shall then cut your hands and feet on alternate sides, and I will crucify you upon the trunks of palm trees, and you will certainly know whose punishment is sterner and more lasting.”
The third iteration:
26:49 He (Pharaoh) said: “You have believed before I gave you leave. He (Moses) is indeed your chief, who taught you sorcery, and so you will learn. I shall cut off your hands and feet alternately and will crucify you all.”
In the fourth iteration, Pharaoh won’t crucify his magicians, and his dignitaries appear to have switched sides as well. This time around, he simply wants his administrator, Haman, to build him a tower. The Tower of Babel perhaps?
28:38 Pharaoh then said: “O my dignitaries, I did not know that you had any god but me. So kindle for me, O Haman, a fire upon the clay and build me a tower that I might behold the God of Moses. I really think he is a liar.”
The fifth iteration the magicians are also not crucified, but Pharaoh still wants his tower.
40:36 And Pharaoh said: “O Haman, build me a tower that I may perchance reach the pathways,
40:37 “The pathways of heaven; and then look upon the God of Moses. For I think he is a liar.” That is how embellished for Pharaoh was his evil deed and how he was barred from the Path. Pharaoh’s guile was only destined to fail.
4:157 And their saying: “We have killed the Messiah, Jesus, son of Mary and the Messenger of Allah.” They neither killed nor crucified him; but it was made to appear so unto them. Indeed, those who differ about him are in doubt about it. Their knowledge does not go beyond conjecture, and they did not kill him for certain;
4:158 Rather Allah raised him unto Him. Allah is Mighty and Wise.
[140] The Last Supper, which Allah catered, may have begun with a Freudian slip with Jesus erroneously referring to himself as Allah in revelation 5:111, i.e., “Believe in Me and My Messenger”; the translator's bracketed explanation notwithstanding. The Messenger in 5:111 can only be Muhammad who would not be born for at least another 570 years. The apparent confusion in Allah's revelations about the Last Supper is only the beginning of incongruities in Allah’s attempt to recast the events surrounding the Crucifixion so as to minimize Jesus' role and suffering, as He does throughout the Koran.
5:111 And when I revealed to the disciples (ordering them through Jesus): “Believe in Me and My Messenger”, they replied: “We believe, and You bear witness that we submit.”
5:112 When the disciples said: “Jesus, son of Mary, is your Lord able to bring down for us a table [spread with food] from heaven?”; he said: “Fear Allah, if you are true believers."
5:113 They said: “We would like to eat from it so that our hearts may be reassured and know that you have told us the truth and be witnesses thereof.”
5:114 Jesus, son of Mary, then said: “O Allah, our Lord, send down to us a table spread with food from heaven that it may be a festival for the first and last of us and a sign from You; and provide for us, for You are the Best Provider.”
[141] After the serving up the last supper Allah warned the disciples about reneging on their pledge.
5:115 Allah said: “I will send it down to you, so that whoever of you disbelieves thereafter I will inflict on him a punishment I do not inflict on any other being.”
Many authors have pointed out that it is problematic to speak of Muslim "fundamentalism" because it suggests that there are large doctrinaire differences between fundamentalist Muslims and the mainstream. The truth, however, is that most Muslims appear to be "fundamentalist" in the Western sense of the world—in that even "moderate" approaches to Islam generally consider the Koran to be the literal and inerrant word of the one true God…
The only future devout Muslims can envisage—as Muslims—is one where all infidels have been converted to Islam, subjugated, or killed. The tenets of Islam simply do not admit of anything but a temporary sharing of power with the "enemies of God."
Sam Harris, author of the New York Times bestseller, End of Faith, W. W. Norton, 2004
[143] Narrated Aisha:
The commencement of the Divine Inspiration to Allah's Apostle was in the form of good dreams which came true like bright day light, and then the love of seclusion was bestowed upon him.
He used to go in seclusion in the cave of Hira where he used to worship (Allah alone) continuously for many days before his desire to see his family.
He used to take with him the journey food for the stay and then come back to (his wife) Khadija to take his food like-wise again till suddenly the Truth descended upon him while he was in the cave of Hira. The angel came to him and asked him to read.
The Prophet replied, "I do not know how to read."
The Prophet added, "The angel caught me (forcefully) and pressed me so hard that I could not bear it any more. He then released me and again asked me to read and I replied, 'I do not know how to read.'
Thereupon he caught me again and pressed me a second time till I could not bear it any more. He then released me and again asked me to read but again I replied, 'I do not know how to read (or what shall I read)?'
Thereupon he caught me for the third time and pressed me, and then released me and said, 'Read in the name of your Lord, who has created (all that exists) has created man from a clot. Read! And your Lord is the Most Generous.' (96:1, 96:2, 96:3) Then Allah's Apostle returned with the Inspiration and with his heart beating severely.
Then he went to Khadija bint Khuwailid and said, 'Cover me! Cover me!'"
They covered him till his fear was over and after that he told her everything that had happened and said, "I fear that something may happen to me."
Khadija replied, "Never! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your Kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guests generously and assist the deserving calamity-afflicted ones."
Khadija then accompanied him to her cousin Waraqa bin Naufal bin Asad bin Abdul Uzza, who, during the pre-Islamic period became a Christian and used to write the writing with Hebrew letters. He would write from the Gospel in Hebrew as much as Allah wished him to write. He was an old man and had lost his eyesight.
Khadija said to Waraqa, "Listen to the story of your nephew, O my cousin!"
Waraqa asked, "O my nephew! What have you seen?"
Allah's Apostle described whatever he had seen.
Waraqa said, "This is the same one who keeps the secrets (angel Gabriel) whom Allah had sent to Moses. I wish I were young and could live up to the time when your people would turn you out."
Allah's Apostle asked, "Will they drive me out?"
Waraqa replied in the affirmative and said, "Anyone (man) who came with something similar to what you have brought was treated with hostility; and if I should remain alive till the day when you will be turned out then I would support you strongly."
Bukhari 1.3
2:142 The ignorant among the people (among the Jews and polytheist Arabs) will say: “What caused them (the Prophet Muhammad and the believers) to turn away from the former Qibla towards which they used to turn (Jerusalem)?” Say: “To Allah belongs the East and the West. He guides whom He wills towards the Right Path.”
2:143 And thus We have made you (the Muslim nation) a just nation, so that you may bear witness unto the rest of mankind, and that the Messenger may bear witness unto you. We did not ordain your former Qibla except that We may distinguish those who follow the Messenger from those who turn on their heels (return to disbelief). It was indeed a hard test except for those whom Allah guided. Allah would not allow your faith to be in vain. He is Clement and Merciful to mankind.
2:144 Surely, We see your face turned towards heaven (yearning for guidance through revelation). We shall turn you towards a Qibla that will please you. Turn your face then towards the Sacred Mosque (the Sacred Mosque of Mecca, the Ka’ba); and wherever you are turn your faces towards it. Those who were given the Book (the Jews and Christians) certainly know this to be the Truth from their Lord. Allah is not unaware of what they do.
2:145 Were you even to come to the People of the Book with every proof, they will not follow your Qibla, nor will you follow their Qibla. Nor will some of them follow the Qibla of the others. And were you to follow their desires after all the knowledge that came to you, surely you would be one of the evil-doers.
2:146 Those to whom We gave the Book know him (Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah) as they know their own sons; but a group of them will knowingly conceal the truth.
2:147 The truth is from your Lord. So do not be one of the doubters.
2:148 To everyone there is a direction towards which he turns. So hasten to do the good works. Wherever you are, Allah will bring you all together (in the Hereafter). Surely Allah has power over all things.
2:106 Whichever verse We abrogate or cause to be forgotten, We bring instead a better or similar one. Do you not know that Allah has the power over all things?
13:39 Allah blots out and confirms what He pleases; and with Him is the Mother of the Book.
16:101 And if We replace a verse by another – and Allah knows best what He reveals – they say: “You [Muhammad] are only a forger.” Surely, most of them do not know.
17:86 If We please, We certainly can blot out that which We have revealed to you (O Muhammad); then you would find no guardian to assist you against Us.
[146] The complete list in Let Me Rephrase That - Your Layman's Guide to Abrogations, Bernard Payeur, Boreal Books.
39:28 We made it an Arabic Qur’an without any defect that perchance they might be God-fearing.
-----
How do we know our holy books are free from error? Because the books themselves say so. Epistemological black holes of this sort are fast draining the light from our world...
If we cannot find our way to a time when most of us are willing to admit that, at the very least, we are not sure (italics his) God wrote some of our books, then we need only to count the days to Armageddon—because God has given us many more reasons to kill one another than to turn the other cheek...
The End of Faith - Religion, Terror and the Future of Reason, W. W. Norton & Company, 2004, p. 35